Been Lexapro-free for several months now -- and I'm okay. The grief, that overburden, that heavy weight: it's lifted. The vise of sorrow has eased. The anxiety has not returned. I can stand up again, metaphorically speaking. I can breathe.
So this is what acceptance is. Six years of grief - it took a while.
I've been making a concerted effort to forgive the old stuff, to release it, to let it go. And to forgive myself and let that go too. I'm not interested in living the rest of my life thinking about those years - nor am I interested in telling the same stories. I want new stories.
Hell, I've got new stories.
This year has been one of remarkable and radical change. I think I may celebrate July 30th as an anniversary. It's the day I took the leap from the lion's head - I've taken a bunch more since and I'm going to continue - but that's the day I count as the turning point..
Back to it, then.
A note. I'm taking this journal public again, going forward. Thousands of entries locked away because of a person I'm not afraid of any longer. I don't want to do that anymore.